[Posted March 10, 2007]
It's
Lust, Not Love
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami
  Dear
Abby
- March 9, 2007 - ABIGAIL VAN BUREN WOMAN'S HEAD AND HEART ARE AT WAR OVER CHEATING HUSBAND
DEAR
ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Rolly," for nine and a half
years. I have just confirmed that he has been cheating on me -- again!
I had my suspicions and began checking his phone records. I love Rolly
unconditionally.
We had a huge fight about it, and the girl and her friends were calling
my home saying they were going to slit my throat. Then the phone calls
stopped -- until yesterday. The girl was trying to reach Rolly, and
when I answered there was only silence on the other end of the line. I
know he called her friend the night before, the one who said she would
cut my throat. It's hard to believe he would call someone who would say
that to me, but he did. He tried to lie about it, but I have the phone
records.
Please tell me what to do. My heart tells me one thing and my head
tells me another. -- BROKENHEARTED IN COLUMBUS, MISS. go to story
"I
love him unconditionally, but..."
Evening
darshan, July 13, 1976, New York
|
Until
Death Do Us Part
|
Romeo
and Juliet Hansadutta
das
Sex
is a very gross affair which is attractive only as long as the body is
youthful. In English literature we have the story of Romeo and Juliet,
which appears to be a very lofty and noble affair; but on the other
hand, if Romeo and Juliet had lived to be eighty, how would that story
have ended? The love of the man and woman in the material world is
quite obnoxious when it is studied in its real perspective. Romeo would
have become old, toothless, wrinkled and impotent, and Juliet would
have become bent over, with gray hair and sagging breasts. The whole
affair would not be romantic at all, but actually quite repulsive
because this material love is based on illusion more |
Guest (1): You mentioned an exchange of
love in the spiritual world.
Pusta Krsna: Yes.
Guest (1): Could you explain
that more?
Pusta Krsna: Everyone is
exchanging love in this world, we see that practically, that husband
and wife are exchanging love, children and parents are exchanging love,
friend and friend are exchanging love. There are so many different
relationships in which we exchange love. Even animals like a dog; a
cat/dog is exchanging love. It's been analyzed, experiments have been
done that even a plant is more productive when he knows that the person
who is taking care of the plant is a friend. They speak about the green
thumb. So even plants respond. They are sensitive. In a sense they are
also exchanging love in a simple way. So this loving propensity is
natural. The difficulty is that due to ignorance, we're exchanging love
on the bodily platform, which is asat, temporary. And therefore
everyone is frustrated. Everyone is frustrated. It's a false platform
of love. So the real platform of love is when we come to the soul
platform. Krishna speaks about this in the Bhagavad-gita:
brahma-bhutah
prasannatma
na shochati na kankshati
samah sarveshu bhuteshu
mad-bhaktim labhate param [Bg. 18.54]
That
when you come to the soul platform, it's also called brahma-bhuta
stage or platform of the soul, then mad-bhaktim labhate param:
that bhakti, bhakti means transcendental love and service to
God.
Prabhupada: Bhakti
means, yes, exchange of love between God and the individual soul.
Pusta Krsna: This becomes
awaking of the spiritual platform. So the Krishna consciousness process
is gradually to purify one, because that natural loving propensity is
there. Our contention, and practically we are experiencing it, is that
Krishna consciousness is natural way of life. It's not artificial
imposition. Rather in this present materialistic way of life, so many
artificial standards and impositions have been put upon us. We can see
that because culture is always changing. One year this is right to do,
the next year that's right. Everything is simply mental concoction. But
this Krishna consciousness process is eternal, it's never changed. We
have history from the Srimad-Bhagavatam. For millions and
millions of years people have been engaged in the very same process
that we're following: of chanting the holy names, worshiping the Deity
in the temple, taking prasadam [sanctified
vegetarian food offered to Krishna], association with saintly
persons. The very same process, it hasn't changed. And the very same
sentiment of love of God is being awakened naturally. So our contention
is that the love is simply misdirected. It simply has to be redirected
towards Krishna, and the spiritual master, he does this. He takes our
energy, our love, our intelligence, our everything and directs it
towards Krishna. And as a result, you become purified. A very natural
process. Just like we have a propensity to love so rather than waste
our love on the temporary forms of the material world, because they're
all perishable. Dehapatya-kalatradishv atma-sainyeshv asatsv api
[Srimad-Bhagavatam 2.1.4]. First of all we love the body, deha.
And apatya, we love the family members, the sons, kalatra,
we love our wife, adishu, we like our community, nation, so
many things. But all of these things, they're temporary. They won't
last, they can't endure. So all of our love practically is being
wasted. It's stolen.
Prabhupada: There is an
example. In a water tank you throw one stone. It becomes a circle. And
the circle expands, expands, expands unless the circle comes to the
shore. Similarly our loving affair begins from personal self to family,
from family to society, community, nation, international. But still, it
is imperfect unless the circle reaches to the lotus feet of God. Then
it is satisfied. Svamin kritartho 'smi varam na yache [Chaitanya-charitamrita
Madhya 22.42]. Here, any loving affairs, that is more or less lusty. A
man or woman love each other with some desire, not without desire. That
desire is sense gratification. But actually that is lust, not love.
Pure love can be exchanged in relationship with God. Here there are
temporary... A boy, a girl or a man, a woman in relationship of love
but it breaks as soon as the lusty desire is not fulfilled. So here
there is no question of love. It is all lusty desire. Real love can be
achieved when it is exchanged with Krishna or God. Prema
pum-artho mahan, that is the recommendation given by Chaitanya
Mahaprabhu. That is the highest love. When we come onto the loving
platform with God, then we are satisfied. Big, big political leaders in
our country... like Mahatma Gandhi, he loved his country so much, but
the result was that he was killed by his own men, by his country men.
But this is not possible when the love is exchanged between God. Kaunteya
pratijanihi na me bhaktah pranashyati [Bg. 9.31], a little love
for God can save you from the greatest danger of life. That is real
love. So if you love Krishna, then you can love with everyone. Just
like we are spreading this Krishna consciousness movement. It is out of
love for Krishna. Otherwise we would have sat down at home and love
Krishna. Why you are trying to spread this love exchange to others?
Because I know or we know that here in this material world, the
so-called love exchange is frustrating, and people are being
frustrated. So let him love Krishna, then we'll be successful. This is
our mission. Everyone has got loving propensity. So this child has now
love for his mother, for the mother has got... But as soon as the child
will grow, the love is finished, he will love somebody else. When he
becomes young man, his love is transferred to somebody else. So here
the so-called love is not permanent, but when you love Krishna it is
permanent exchange of loving humor or mellow. So that is required. Sai...
this called sai-eva. Sai means permanent. It will never end.
You'll relish loving mellows eternal.
ashlishya
va pada-ratam pinashtu mam
adarshanan marma-hatam karotu va
yatha tatha va vidadhatu lampato
mat-prana-nathas tu sa eva naparah [Cc. Antya 20.47]
Explain
this verse.
Pusta Krsna: The eighth verse
of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's Shikshashtaka.
Prabhupada: Shikshashtaka.
Satsvarupa: "I do not know
anyone but Krishna as my Lord."
Prabhupada: Yes.
Satsvarupa: This is Lord
Chaitanya. He wrote only eight verses about all this literature. Then
there is files and volumes and volumes about love of God. So in this Shikshashtakam,
eight verses, the last verse is translated as, He prays: "I do not know
anyone but Krishna as my Lord, and He will always remain as such, even
if He handles me roughly in His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by
not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and
everything, and He will remain my worshipable Lord unconditionally." So
this is just the opposite, this is pure love, just the opposite of the,
what Srila Prabhupada is explaining that in this material world love is
based on some desire that actually becomes a kind of business that "I
love you if you will respond in this way." What to speak of someone
saying that "I love you, even if you act as a debauch. You don't have
to be faithful, that's... You can do as you like in your own way, but
my declaration is that I simply want to serve You and You'll always be
my worshipable object." So love should be like that, otherwise it is
simply business that I will give you the product if you give me the
money. But the lover is the living being...
Prabhupada: You shall not
expect anything in return. That is real love. Just like this mother is
loving child, expecting anything—no, not expecting any return. But she
still she gives service. So that is as a little sample of pure love.
But here also some... When the child is grown up, if the child is not
obedient, the mother practically withdraws love. But in the spiritual
world, unconditionally love is there. As it is explained, ashlishya
va pada-ratam pinashtu mam. Marma-hatam [Cc. Antya
20.47]: "Whatever you do, I don't mind that, but still I love you."
That is pure love.
Guest (1): As a mother loves
the child in pure love, does that help her to also find the pure love
in the spiritual world?
Prabhupada: Oh, yes. Just
like Mother Yashoda is loving Krishna. Nanda Maharaja is loving
Krishna. That is pure love.
Pusta Krsna: Srila Prabhupada?
Prabhupada: This, this loving
affair with the mother and the son is a perverted reflection of that
pure love.
Pusta Krsna: I think he's
asking a question also that sometimes comes up, that if one loves in
this material love, for example one loves a child, or loves humanity,
does this help to develop love of God?
Prabhupada: No. But if you
love God, it helps to love the human beings.
Guest (1): I see. It's the
other way!
Prabhupada: Just like if you
supply food to the stomach, it helps the eye sight, but if you supply
food to the eyes then you become blind.
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