A man, a woman in relationship of love, but it breaks as soon as the lusty desire is not fulfilled. So here there is no question of love. It is all lusty desire.
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© 2004 - Hansadutta das
[Posted March 10, 2007]

It's Lust, Not Love

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

cheating husband Srila Prabhupada Dear Abby - March 9, 2007 - ABIGAIL VAN BUREN WOMAN'S HEAD AND HEART ARE AT WAR OVER CHEATING HUSBAND
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Rolly," for nine and a half years. I have just confirmed that he has been cheating on me -- again! I had my suspicions and began checking his phone records. I love Rolly unconditionally.

We had a huge fight about it, and the girl and her friends were calling my home saying they were going to slit my throat. Then the phone calls stopped -- until yesterday. The girl was trying to reach Rolly, and when I answered there was only silence on the other end of the line. I know he called her friend the night before, the one who said she would cut my throat. It's hard to believe he would call someone who would say that to me, but he did. He tried to lie about it, but I have the phone records.

Please tell me what to do. My heart tells me one thing and my head tells me another. -- BROKENHEARTED IN COLUMBUS, MISS.
go to story

"I love him unconditionally, but..."
Evening darshan, July 13, 1976, New York

Until Death Do Us Part

Romeo and Juliet Hansadutta das

Sex is a very gross affair which is attractive only as long as the body is youthful. In English literature we have the story of Romeo and Juliet, which appears to be a very lofty and noble affair; but on the other hand, if Romeo and Juliet had lived to be eighty, how would that story have ended? The love of the man and woman in the material world is quite obnoxious when it is studied in its real perspective. Romeo would have become old, toothless, wrinkled and impotent, and Juliet would have become bent over, with gray hair and sagging breasts. The whole affair would not be romantic at all, but actually quite repulsive because this material love is based on illusion more

Guest (1): You mentioned an exchange of love in the spiritual world.

Pusta Krsna: Yes.

Guest (1): Could you explain that more?

Pusta Krsna: Everyone is exchanging love in this world, we see that practically, that husband and wife are exchanging love, children and parents are exchanging love, friend and friend are exchanging love. There are so many different relationships in which we exchange love. Even animals like a dog; a cat/dog is exchanging love. It's been analyzed, experiments have been done that even a plant is more productive when he knows that the person who is taking care of the plant is a friend. They speak about the green thumb. So even plants respond. They are sensitive. In a sense they are also exchanging love in a simple way. So this loving propensity is natural. The difficulty is that due to ignorance, we're exchanging love on the bodily platform, which is asat, temporary. And therefore everyone is frustrated. Everyone is frustrated. It's a false platform of love. So the real platform of love is when we come to the soul platform. Krishna speaks about this in the Bhagavad-gita:

brahma-bhutah prasannatma
na shochati na kankshati
samah sarveshu bhuteshu
mad-bhaktim labhate param
[Bg. 18.54]

That when you come to the soul platform, it's also called brahma-bhuta stage or platform of the soul, then mad-bhaktim labhate param: that bhakti, bhakti means transcendental love and service to God.

Prabhupada: Bhakti means, yes, exchange of love between God and the individual soul.

Pusta Krsna: This becomes awaking of the spiritual platform. So the Krishna consciousness process is gradually to purify one, because that natural loving propensity is there. Our contention, and practically we are experiencing it, is that Krishna consciousness is natural way of life. It's not artificial imposition. Rather in this present materialistic way of life, so many artificial standards and impositions have been put upon us. We can see that because culture is always changing. One year this is right to do, the next year that's right. Everything is simply mental concoction. But this Krishna consciousness process is eternal, it's never changed. We have history from the Srimad-Bhagavatam. For millions and millions of years people have been engaged in the very same process that we're following: of chanting the holy names, worshiping the Deity in the temple, taking prasadam [sanctified vegetarian food offered to Krishna], association with saintly persons. The very same process, it hasn't changed. And the very same sentiment of love of God is being awakened naturally. So our contention is that the love is simply misdirected. It simply has to be redirected towards Krishna, and the spiritual master, he does this. He takes our energy, our love, our intelligence, our everything and directs it towards Krishna. And as a result, you become purified. A very natural process. Just like we have a propensity to love so rather than waste our love on the temporary forms of the material world, because they're all perishable. Dehapatya-kalatradishv atma-sainyeshv asatsv api [Srimad-Bhagavatam 2.1.4]. First of all we love the body, deha. And apatya, we love the family members, the sons, kalatra, we love our wife, adishu, we like our community, nation, so many things. But all of these things, they're temporary. They won't last, they can't endure. So all of our love practically is being wasted. It's stolen.

Prabhupada: There is an example. In a water tank you throw one stone. It becomes a circle. And the circle expands, expands, expands unless the circle comes to the shore. Similarly our loving affair begins from personal self to family, from family to society, community, nation, international. But still, it is imperfect unless the circle reaches to the lotus feet of God. Then it is satisfied. Svamin kritartho 'smi varam na yache [Chaitanya-charitamrita Madhya 22.42]. Here, any loving affairs, that is more or less lusty. A man or woman love each other with some desire, not without desire. That desire is sense gratification. But actually that is lust, not love. Pure love can be exchanged in relationship with God. Here there are temporary... A boy, a girl or a man, a woman in relationship of love but it breaks as soon as the lusty desire is not fulfilled. So here there is no question of love. It is all lusty desire. Real love can be achieved when it is exchanged with Krishna or God. Prema pum-artho mahan, that is the recommendation given by Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. That is the highest love. When we come onto the loving platform with God, then we are satisfied. Big, big political leaders in our country... like Mahatma Gandhi, he loved his country so much, but the result was that he was killed by his own men, by his country men. But this is not possible when the love is exchanged between God. Kaunteya pratijanihi na me bhaktah pranashyati [Bg. 9.31], a little love for God can save you from the greatest danger of life. That is real love. So if you love Krishna, then you can love with everyone. Just like we are spreading this Krishna consciousness movement. It is out of love for Krishna. Otherwise we would have sat down at home and love Krishna. Why you are trying to spread this love exchange to others? Because I know or we know that here in this material world, the so-called love exchange is frustrating, and people are being frustrated. So let him love Krishna, then we'll be successful. This is our mission. Everyone has got loving propensity. So this child has now love for his mother, for the mother has got... But as soon as the child will grow, the love is finished, he will love somebody else. When he becomes young man, his love is transferred to somebody else. So here the so-called love is not permanent, but when you love Krishna it is permanent exchange of loving humor or mellow. So that is required. Sai... this called sai-eva. Sai means permanent. It will never end. You'll relish loving mellows eternal.

ashlishya va pada-ratam pinashtu mam
adarshanan marma-hatam karotu va
yatha tatha va vidadhatu lampato
mat-prana-nathas tu sa eva naparah
[Cc. Antya 20.47]

Explain this verse.

Pusta Krsna: The eighth verse of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's Shikshashtaka.

Prabhupada: Shikshashtaka.

Satsvarupa: "I do not know anyone but Krishna as my Lord."

Prabhupada: Yes.

Satsvarupa: This is Lord Chaitanya. He wrote only eight verses about all this literature. Then there is files and volumes and volumes about love of God. So in this Shikshashtakam, eight verses, the last verse is translated as, He prays: "I do not know anyone but Krishna as my Lord, and He will always remain as such, even if He handles me roughly in His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, and He will remain my worshipable Lord unconditionally." So this is just the opposite, this is pure love, just the opposite of the, what Srila Prabhupada is explaining that in this material world love is based on some desire that actually becomes a kind of business that "I love you if you will respond in this way." What to speak of someone saying that "I love you, even if you act as a debauch. You don't have to be faithful, that's... You can do as you like in your own way, but my declaration is that I simply want to serve You and You'll always be my worshipable object." So love should be like that, otherwise it is simply business that I will give you the product if you give me the money. But the lover is the living being...

Prabhupada: You shall not expect anything in return. That is real love. Just like this mother is loving child, expecting anything—no, not expecting any return. But she still she gives service. So that is as a little sample of pure love. But here also some... When the child is grown up, if the child is not obedient, the mother practically withdraws love. But in the spiritual world, unconditionally love is there. As it is explained, ashlishya va pada-ratam pinashtu mam. Marma-hatam [Cc. Antya 20.47]: "Whatever you do, I don't mind that, but still I love you." That is pure love.

Guest (1): As a mother loves the child in pure love, does that help her to also find the pure love in the spiritual world?

Prabhupada: Oh, yes. Just like Mother Yashoda is loving Krishna. Nanda Maharaja is loving Krishna. That is pure love.

Pusta Krsna: Srila Prabhupada?

Prabhupada: This, this loving affair with the mother and the son is a perverted reflection of that pure love.

Pusta Krsna: I think he's asking a question also that sometimes comes up, that if one loves in this material love, for example one loves a child, or loves humanity, does this help to develop love of God?

Prabhupada: No. But if you love God, it helps to love the human beings.

Guest (1): I see. It's the other way!

Prabhupada: Just like if you supply food to the stomach, it helps the eye sight, but if you supply food to the eyes then you become blind.

©2007 - Hansadutta das
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